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Genetic Freeman

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(no subject) [May. 4th, 2006|12:05 am]
Genetic Freeman
Livejournal is stupid.

I'll stick to my Suicide Girls account.

I may stop in here every so often to read up on friends who only have LJ if I feel like it. But I don't have many friends to read up on anyway. So bye.
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bored [May. 2nd, 2006|11:53 am]
Genetic Freeman
[music |The Prodigy - Spitfire]

Taken from _____gak_bitch

Leave your name and:
1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours
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dsggd [May. 1st, 2006|12:22 am]
Genetic Freeman
Warning, I'm in one of THOSE moods.

Granted, today wasn't all bad, it was my brothers birthday and we went to Medieval Times. And our knight won. And work didn't call me so I'm assuming Doug did infact take my shift and there were no problems. So that went well.

But I'm also gaining too much weight back. I've worked so hard to lose this weight and now it's starting to come back. I know with my view of my body and how much I hate it I could lose weight until I'm nothing and I'd still think I'm disgustingly fat but it's still bothering me. So much. I think I'm gonna famine again tomorrow.

Now that school's out I have very little to occupy my time. I don't like having free time to think. I don't want to have to think. I just want to go.

I don't have many people to taslk to anymore now that Jen hates me and everyone else has their shit to work out. I've been so bored and lonely today that I actually sat here and stared at nothing happening on my computer for so long that the screen saver kept turning on. But I kept staring. I watched Forrest Gump too and I'm not afraid to admit that it chokes me up and my eyes get a little watery after watching it.

I went and laid out on my lawn for a while. Ever do something that seems somehow significant or enlightening when really it wasn't anything at all? Perception is fucked like that.

I'm missing that person in my life that I can listen to and have them release to me. You'd think that I'd want someone to listen to me, nah. I know I have jack-shit to say about anything important and any issues I have are so far gone that I'm too fucked up to be helped now. So, I'd rather have that person I can sit with and listen to and connect with and understand. I'd like to feel like I am trusted and needed. But right now I don't even have people who talk to me in regular social ways. Hence why I have so much time to type this much about shit that I shouldn't have the time to think so much about.

I'm thinking of selling a bunch of my things to pay for a new bass... I have the time... maybe I'll do that next week. I'll do it one day on a weekday to get some of the school kids attention. They'd buy my crap. I think I'll try to sell my Playstation and my Atari Flashback system and maybe some of my older music shit. Oh, and I should sell my textbooks...

Anyway... this is too much stuff to type since it'll just go unnoticed anyway.
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Leonard Cohen, I finally understand. [Apr. 30th, 2006|11:05 am]
Genetic Freeman
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |Leonard Cohen - Tower of Song]

Havn't been around here very much lately, I've been on my suicide girls account more. If it wasn't something you have to pay for I'd suggest more people get it. It's great though.

My last couple shifts at work weren't too bad, I got out fast both times the managers seemed to love me for it. I got my tip cut last night, it was 57 bucks. Not bad, it's the biggest I've had yet.

Today's my brothers birthday. I didn't have time to find him a gift so I gave him my tip cut. We're going to Medieval Times today.

I have to be strict with my dieting again, I've gained 5 pounds in like a week, I feel like total shit for it. And I feel even worse knowing that I'll gain more tonight because of Jared's birthday. So next week I guess I have to start fresh. Now that school's out maybe I'll start going for long walks or roller blade or something. Whatever get's me active.

I've found my singing voice. It's kind of a mix between the singer from The Slackers and Leonard Cohen. At least I think so. Obviously I'm not as good as either of them but I use them as a basis kinda.

I enjoyed this very much. I found it on somethingawful.com:

"Avenged Sevenfold

Seriously, I can’t fathom these morons. They all have bitchin’ metal names like Synyster Gates and Zacky Vengeance and Bozo McMetal, they dress like a cross between garish metalcore clowns and hair-metal revivalists, and their signature sound seems to involve dual-guitar shred solos that are so toneless and compressed that they sound like they’re being playing on MIDI keyboards (these solos impress their idiot fans to no end, since the concept of counterpoint is an almost mystical revelation to people who have never heard anything approaching actual music before). In each of their videos, there’s bound to be a climactic moment when the two chickenhead lead guitarists situate themselves back-to-back and engage in a healthy round of homoerotic guitar horseplay while the singer flashes his mouthful of metal and some stripper they got from a Myspace casting call slinks by suggestively.

Apparently, they think they’re a serious metal band.

Ho ho! I saw these utterly loathsome painted-up titties complaining to the media about being on Total Request Live and in teeny magazines next to Aaron Carter and shit like that. Oh no, their Serious Badass Heavy Metal-lovin’ fans might feel alienated because a bunch of idiot kids love a band tarted up with heavy eyeliner and teased hair and painted nails and big ol’ platinum fucking grillz in their teeth. Guess what, Avenged Sevenfold: Warner Brothers wouldn’t touch you with a ten-foot pole if they didn’t think they could sell you to idiot kids. You’re custom designed to be sold to idiot kids. Idiot kids are your bread and goddamn butter, Avenged Sevenfold, so you’d better get on your knees and thank Pussy Satan or whoever the fuck you worship (I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Jesus; that’s how lame you are) that idiot kids are willing to give you the time of day.

As for anyone who is male and over the age of fourteen who listens to these guys: what? Is there some kind of excuse? Did rock and roll kill your parents when you were a kid and you swore to get revenge by desecrating its memory? Are you writing a dissertation on the sexual dynamics of guitar solos? Even fratboy Bro-Magnons in pink polo shirts with popped collars wouldn’t be caught dead listening to this shit, and they’ll listen to anything, as long as it’ll get them laid via Myspace.

Whew. Any for any 14-year-old girls who love Avenged Sevenfold who might be reading this: it’s not too late. You have until the age of seventeen to start liking real music, but after that you’re pretty much doomed to liking awful shit for the rest of your life, so straighten up now or you’ll eventually become a pregnant stripper, and you’d better hope against hope that Myspace is still around then so you can find a dad for your little sack of crap. "

They're one of the few bands that I despise. So I rather enjoyed that.
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(no subject) [Apr. 19th, 2006|11:55 am]
Genetic Freeman
Another one of Jen's LJ posts...

"so i have a friend who all i wanted was to be friends with this guy. i was happy when we were first friends casue i thougth hed never go for me. and i thought that was sweet. but no. i cant jsut be friends with a guy. and to make things better, i like his friend, and have for a VERY LONG time now. but becasue of buddy over here. this girl cant be happy. find a guy who i really freakin like, and im forbidden to ever like him. i was thinking this the otehr day. things between my friend and i could never work becasue: once i think hes givin up on being depressing, he goes and proves me wrong by getting all depressed on me. i cant handle it. its too much bullshit for me to deal with. i like to drink. hes straight edge. i cant say one thing with out him taking it the wrong way and getting pissy about it. he wants me outta his life anyways. so theres my whole point. soo whatever I LIKE KEVIN. and i cant change that. i didnt FORCE myself to like him, nor can i FORCE myself to like anyone else. so looks like this girl will jsut have to wait it out."

You don't understand how crushed I am right now... It's like I just can't feel now, I can't be sad, I can't be mad I'm just blank...
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(no subject) [Apr. 18th, 2006|04:28 pm]
Genetic Freeman
[music |KMFDM - Sucks]

This is so true:



This one reminds me of Mrs. Manarin/Jen:

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(no subject) [Apr. 18th, 2006|09:30 am]
Genetic Freeman
Jen's last LJ post:

"as of april 13th i have decided to not talk to jordan anymore. casue pretty much we cant even be friends casue i wont date him. fucking douche bag. i jsut want him to get a girlfriend so he can get over me,and finally be happy. so till the day he gets a girlfriend i cant talk to him."

I could go and again explain that the whole incident at Taste of Chaos was not intentional but I don't think it'd do much good anyway. I'm not too upset about it anyway, maybe because she called me a fucking douchebag I'm not too upset about the whole thing.

Anyway, I'm doing my pop culture presentation soon than that's gonna be a loud off my mind.

I may or may not be auditioning to play bass for Green Division. That'd be cool I suppose, a couple of people said I should so I figure what the hell.

Well, I'm out.
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My balls, finally on the radio [Apr. 18th, 2006|12:50 am]
Genetic Freeman
[mood |anxiousanxious]
[music |Rage Against the Machine - Guerilla Radio]

Have you ever searched your name on google? I found so much shit on me. Unfortunately I found a lot of old poetry and my old xanga account with the final post on which I was all fucked up from my ex leaving me. Those were rough days. But at least in comparison I can say that I've controlled my depression a lot more since then. I've learned to just distance myself rather than freak out. Much easier.

Today, Ian talked about my balls on his radio show.

I talked to Karolina again today, we established that we find eachother cute. I'm working at it! Hopefully I'll see her soon.

Anyway, psych finals and pop culture presentation tomorrow. Nervous.

I'm not gonna work tomorrow, though I'm supposed to, I booked it off so I'm gonna fight for it on the basis of that very fact. Anyway, maybe I'll see some of you at Chicagos tomorrow. Right.
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mysterious chest scratches [Apr. 16th, 2006|02:06 pm]
Genetic Freeman
[mood |listlesslistless]
[music |Gene Serene - All Over You]

I dunno why I feel so empty today. Last night I had a text message convo with Karolina for a couple hours and it was great and even work was pretty good. But I just woke up so upset at everything, I also woke up with really bad scratches across my chest, dunno what that's about, really stung in the shower though. Maybe it's just the fact that I know I'm gonna get my ass kicked at work today since I have to work alone for like 9 hours on fucking Easter while my family makes a big turkey dinner and enjoys the weekend. I don't even think I get any extra pay for working on a holiday, how balls is that?

Work also didn't give me tuesday off when I asked for it. Whatever, I'll just work, nobody offered to go to the munch with me anyway so I might as well just not go. I better be making some good money next paycheck.

I just feel so shitty right now like I just want to curl up and fucking sleep through the rest of the day and forget it ever happened. There's just usually a reason that I feel this way but it came out of nowhere today.

I've just been stressed and slowly letting go of everything that once made me happy, not that I want to, but because I essentially have to. I don't really expect Karolina to really think much of me and I kinda know that so it's pissing me off a little.

Everyone I know went to Steve's for a party yesterday and again I wasn't invited while I had to watch everyone else around me talk about it. I know I couldn't have come and I wouldn't have wanted to come anyway but being asked every so often would be nice.

Anyway, I've said too much depressing shit for a while. I assure you people that I'm not always like this, I just like getting shit out onto blogs and such, it's good release.
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Women/Bitches [Apr. 15th, 2006|12:48 am]
Genetic Freeman
[mood |crushedcrushed]
[music |KMFDM - Flesh]

So I went to Taste of Chaos yesterday. As you know those tickets were my Christmas present for Jen. She picked me up at like 4 when the show was starting. Turned out her friend Ally was coming too, which I was not aware of until I got in the car. I don't particularly like her, but there's not many friends of friends that I get along with, maybe it's just the whole fight for attention of the mutual friend thing, everyone does that. I get in the car and say hey and I don't remember them saying hey but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt that they did. Then Ally asked me for the directions that I wrote down and that was essentially the last thing they said to me all night. They got lost and confused and called people to figure out where to go, they didn't bother asking me even though I wrote down the directions and looked at the maps and junk, I coulda told them what to do once or twice, but they didn't ask so I didn't speak up. Regardless, we got there.

When we got there we went through different search stations and I walked a little ahead and waited for them, I could see them and then all of a sudden they walk the other direction. I was like "what the fuck?" I couldn't see them anymore after a short while so I just walked into the place. Later when I texted her phone she replied all pissed off at me for supposedly leaving them. I didn't even bother explaining anything, I figure at that point she's been pissed off at me for that for hours and there would be no way to convince her that I actually didn't ditch them but I essentially lost them because they were too busy not talking to me to let me know what they were doing.

Anyway, I was kinda pissed off by that situation and the fact that I had to sit there silently the whole ride while they talked about guys that are clearly better than me the whole way.
No, of course that doesn't bother me, thanks for being considerate though. Since you know how I feel about you and all.
So I pushed my way up to the front of the stage within the duration of one Silverstein song. I'm not much into them, I've met them back when they opened up for a friends band a few years back. I think I was the only person that talked to them that night, nobody else seemed to be interested in them at all, they were all there to see Not By Choice. Anyway, I stayed up at the rail through a bit of As I Lay Dying and than backed out because of the heat making me kinda sick, which was odd for me, I've been through worse.

I eventually ran into Nick and Andrew and Nick and I got right up to the rail again for Thrice. I was never much for them but they were good live. We stayed there until Deftones came on, I met some girl beside me and we hit it off well, I made a deal with her, I'll protect her from the crowd if she holds my hat. So I had my arms around her whenever I wasn't pushing away crowd surfers. We held hands for a while and after the show talked a bit and exchanged numbers. I don't think she ever intended to see me or talk to me again but she was sweet and I hope I do. Karolina is her name and I was, as she called me, her "concert boyfriend". Pretty sad that that's pretty much the closest thing I've had to a relationship in like over a year. And even that was only like a 2 weeks thing.
My pants fell down when I was holding her and I told her that, she offered to help me out but she couldn't move very well. I had my pants around my ankles for about 15 minutes and couldn;t do shit about it.

Both my arms are bruised, my backs is bruised up and my neck is shitty. I lost count of kicks to the head at like 12. Somebody landed on my head so hard that I felt something hard from somewhere in my head go down my throat. It wasn't a tooth, so I'm assuming that all the crusted up snot in my head all got knocked out and I swallowed it. That would explain why I'm breathing better.

Anyway, after the show I finally found Jen and again we didn't speak on the way back.

Today I finished a lot of my presentation on 80's pop culture, if anybody has anything to suggest that I put in, go nuts, I already have a lot of things such as commercials, music videos, pictures of Alf and Scott Baio, a section dedicated to Milli Vannili. It's clearly gonna be great.

Later on in the evening I saw Julia, we watched Fight Club. I did all the kissing of her neck and nibbling of ears, but she didn't kiss me or even bite me. So, once again I failed on that. I was looking forward to the biting, it's my favourite. But I won't get into all that right now.

Anyway, in conclusion I failed with Jen and Julia and I hit it off with some random at a Deftones doncert. Meaning that the less somebody knows about me, the more they like me.

Well, I work all weekend, 9-10 hours of work on Easter too, hope I get some holiday pay or something.
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